


Bad Habit

by ablamarka



Category: Mean Girls (2004), Mean Girls - Richmond/Benjamin/Fey
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Based on a Tumblr Post, Eventual Smut, F/F, Fluff and Smut, Post-Canon, Pre-Canon, Secret Relationship, Soft Regina, Songfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-23
Updated: 2019-03-16
Packaged: 2019-11-04 11:53:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 6
Words: 15,531
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17897933
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ablamarka/pseuds/ablamarka
Summary: "Bad habit, I know, but I'm needin' you right now." (Bad Habit by Ben Platt)The AU where Janis and Regina were in a secret relationship since sophomore year.





	1. I hate to say that I miss you.

**Author's Note:**

> Hi!  
> This is inspired by Ben Platt's amazing song "Bad Habit" and two anonymous requests I've received on Tumblr. It started with an one-shot based on the prompt "Regina cheating on Aaron with Janis" and I decided to turn that into a six part story.  
> I really hope you guys like this :)

**** Art for Janis was like music was to most people. Therapeutic. Home. A way out. Torture, sometimes. Seeing her deepest fears and earnest dreams on a canvas could scare.

But it wasn't common to find something in your life that just feels like a part of yourself. Something that connects to you and you can't be apart for long. That holds you back whenever you're too far from home. Her art (and Damien) was what kept her sane in the sophomore year.

The deep strokes of red on the canvas were part of the image the girl had in mind for days now, and couldn't really figure out what it was. Now, on a piece in front of her, the red in the traffic lights were screaming at her, but still, she felt the urge to brighten the green.

Her back was facing the door in the empty art class, but she didn't startled with the sound of it opening. She just continued mixing the blue and yellow, until they became a deep forest green.

She turned to her painting and raised her eyes to see the person that was so quiet. As she saw Regina, her body immediately tensed. The last thing she wanted was to be alone in a room with Regina George. She looked worried at her painting, everything would dry if she didn't kept her work. She couldn't leave the room without ruining everything.

“ So this is where you hide.” Regina smiled and looked around with curiosity.

Janis kept watching the girl. Waiting for the imminent attack.

“ Are you looking for something?” She needed to stop looking at the girl, so she went back to examine her canvas.

There was something extremely wrong with this scene. What was Regina doing there? She was definitely planning something on Janis. Her blood began to boil and she wanted to leave the room immediately but her feet felt like they were planted on the ground.

“ Not really.”

“ You can't be here.” She argued. There was no reason for Janis to leave the room, she got there first and was actually doing something, Regina should leave. “This is only for art students.”

“ Do you rule the school now?” The irony in that sentence.

“ Whatever, Regina.” She barked.

Regina's body tensed up, it's been so long since she haven't heard her name in that voice.

“ Chill...” She laughed and seated in a high bench near Janis. “Is your crush so big that you can't even be in the same room I am?”

“ You know what?” Janis snapped. “You're an idiot, stay wherever you want. Paint something, jump out of the window, I don't care.” She finished almost screaming.

“ Can I see what you're painting?” Regina calmly asked pointing to the girl's work. “It's my portrait, is it?” She laughed and scrunched her nose. Janis would find it cute if she wasn't so pissed.

“ What the fuck are you doing here, Regina?” Janis screamed.

“ I don't know, okay?”

It wasn't a lie. Regina really didn't know why she was in there. She was just walking down the hall and saw Janis inside, there was absolutely no reason she should get in, but she wanted to see the girl, talk to her, even just piss her, she wanted to be around her. And she hated her for wanting that.

Regina stood up and went in Janis direction.

“ Can't I interrupt your precious painting session?”

“ No! You can't.”

“ Whatever, let me see your painting...” She said and pushed Janis aside to face the canvas.

“ Fuck, no! It's not finished.” Janis tried to take the canvas out of the easel but her hands went straight to the wet black paint. “Now I've ruined it! Because of you!” She grunted “Don't you have anything else to do other than harass me?”

Regina was a bit lost in the painting, even now scratched with finger marks on the bottom left, the lights and colors were still beautifully popping out of the canvas. The tiny raindrops in the edge of the sign was so perfect, that she had to look twice to check if wasn't actually a drop of water.

“ Just leave me alone.” Janis hissed while cleaning her hand with an old shirt she kept around. “You're always ruining everything for me, aren't y-”

Before Janis could finish the sentence she was surprised with Regina's lips on hers. The girl's hands cupped her face and her lips embraced hers. Before Janis body could function again, Regina broke the kiss and rested her forehead in Janis'.

“ You. Never. Shut. Up.” She punctuated every word and Janis breathed heavily, causing Regina's body to move along with her chest.

“ What..?” Janis whispered.

Regina's hands lowered down Janis' neck and their lips met again. This time, Janis reacted by slowly moving her lips along with Regina's, still not daring to touch her. The feeling of the girl's hands was better than she ever imagined. And she imagined.

She tilted her head only enough to deepen the kiss and Regina's tongue touched hers for a slight second. Regina wanted to feel every part of Janis but knew it was wrong. She felt wrong just for kissing her, but couldn't help but play with the hair in the back of Janis' head and press her fingers softly on her neck. Their lips parted and Regina caught Janis' again, there was no time for thinking, she just wanted to taste the girl.

Janis's hands moved to the girl's waist and pressed lightly, immediately feeling the corner of the girl's lips raising in a smile. Regina increased the pressure of her nails on her neck and pressed their bodies together, Janis' threw her arms around the girl's waist, and as their hips collided Regina held Janis' lower lip between her teeth and stared deep in the girl's eyes. Regina pressed hurried kisses around her mouth and moved down to her neck, leaving a track of wet kisses and bites in the girl's pale skin.

Janis' breath was accelerated and her hands moved loosely through Regina's body, her left hand feeling the girl's hot skin under her shirt, while the other reached her butt and gripped lightly, getting a muffled moan from Regina.

Regina's perfume was still the same she used years ago when they were kids, and while being intoxicated by that smell seemed like heaven, she remembered who she was kissing.

She parted their lips and disconnected their bodies in a hurry, taking a few steps back, wanting to get as far as possible from Regina. She felt Regina's hands falling from her and could see the disappointed eyes and swollen lips the blonde had.

“ Sorry.”

Janis questioned what was more unusual, making out with Regina George or getting an apology from her.

Regina looked everywhere but Janis.

**“** **I hate to say that I miss you.”** She whispered finally landing her eyes on Janis.

She thought it would hurt to admit it, but she haven't felt this good in years.

Maybe she finally found out the answer for so many of her questions. Janis was, somehow, not surprised by the worlds that fell so easily out of Regina's mouth.

The silence between them was almost harmonious, the quiet leaving room only to memorize each other's face and the taste that still danced in their lips. Until the silence became a torment, Regina faced her actions and her wide eyes reflected the panic starting to burst inside her. Before Janis could open her mouth to say something, Regina was gone. Her eyes only catched a pink blur closing the door. Oh, yes, it was wednesday.

Janis's fingers went straight to her lips, almost like she could still feel the contact.

Meanwhile, Regina entered the first empty room she found, probably the chemistry room for the posters on the wall, and let her body melt against the locked door. She buried her head in her hands and thought of how good it felt to kiss Janis, feeling instantly nauseous at what it meant enjoying the kiss. Not that she didn't knew, it was no surprise for her, but facing the truth was always scary. And right now, the only thing she wanted was to kiss Janis again.

The event was screaming in Regina's head the entire day. She was being haunted with memories of how good it felt to touch Janis skin and how good she smelled, Gretchen's voice was a nice background sound for the stories she was creating in her head of how that scene would turn out if Janis hadn't pulled away, of the places her hands would travel and how good it would be to feel Janis' exploring her body. She knew what she wanted and from the way Janis was kissing her back there was no denying in the girl's side.

Without realising, she was at Janis' door. She wasn't the kind of person that liked to talk things over, usually she would just leave things the way they were and move on with her life, she never cared enough, but all she wanted was to talk to Janis.

Janis was wearing black shorts and a red oversized t-shirt, her eyebrows met in a confused look.

“ What do you want?” Janis inquired, still keeping a strong grip in the door.

She would be lying if she said she wasn't thinking about Regina. All she could think about since the blonde left that room was her, but she never thought she would see the girl in her front door. The sun was setting behind Regina and her features were darkened by the lack of light, giving a dramatic effect to the way she rested her elbow in the door frame, leaving their faces too close for their personal sanity.

“ We should talk.” Regina said like it was no big deal. Like her sudden appearance in Janis' door was usual.

Janis nodded her head in agreement.

“ Will you let me in or not?” She asked with a soft smile.

She should have said “no”, but she let her arm fall leaving room for Regina to step inside.

“ Just tell me what you w-” When she turned around, Regina immediately pressed their lips together and held her shirt possessively. The kiss already fell in a known rhythm and Janis could get used to having her sentences interrupted by a hot girl kissing her.

“ Lets do this.” Regina purred in between kisses.

Janis couldn't contain a laugh and Regina's face turned rigid instantly.

“ What?” Regina asked annoyed.

“ You're a space dyke.” Janis chuckled with her fingers tangled in Regina's belt loops.

Regina splayed her hands across Janis' chest and stared at them. Avoiding eye contact.

“ No one has to know what I do in private.”

“ I'm not interested in being part of that.” Janis denied but her body was still linked with Regina's and she did felt sorry for the girl in some level.

“ It's your loss.” Regina shrugged and threw her the apex predator look that she was now used to.

“ We both know that's a lie.” Janis smiled at the girl's attempt.

“ I've gotten used to them.”

What was so scary, yet alluring, in the honesty Regina was giving her? She knew she was getting herself in a cave of wolves, but still, there was nothing more attractive than that.

Janis reached down and kissed Regina, bringing her hand up to stroke Regina's hair. She directed her towards the wall and pressed her against it, the girl instantly threw her head back leaving Janis enough space to explore her neck and taste every bit of it.

“ No one has to know what we do in private.” Janis said against the girl's lips, staring deep into her eyes filled with lust.

“ It's our secret.”


	2. You always said that I'd come back to you again.

**“You always said that I'd come back to you again.”** Regina said with a light smile.

They were laying in bed, their legs entwined and messy hair.

They weren't friends again. They probably would still be enemies but they found a place to meet in the middle. And Janis always knew Regina wouldn't be able to keep her facade forever.

“No one can fake forever.” Janis said brushing her thumb in Regina's hand, feeling their fingers interlaced. “Not even you.”

“No one can find out about this, okay?”

“Well-” Janis rolled over Regina “It would be pretty bad if I decided to out you like you did to me.”

“You wouldn't.” Regina said with an unusual melancholy. Janis furrowed her brows. “You're better than I am.”

Janis had a devious smile on her face as she reached to place a small kiss on Regina's lips.

“Yeah... But I changed a lot since you've ruined my life.”

Their agreement was clear:

One, they would message each other when they wanted to meet.

Two, they wouldn't save each other's numbers as their actual names.

Three, no one could know, specially Damien, their mothers and The Plastics.

Four, Janis couldn't fall in love with Regina - Janis laughed out loud of this condition.

But some parts of their agreement were easier than others and keeping a secret from Gretchen Wieners was the hardest part.

Janis would usually be self conscious whenever they met, it was hard to trust Regina after everything that happened, but there was something that kept them together. And realising this, that it didn't matter how much she tried, they would always go back to each other, hurt like hell. But nothing was worse than when she thought they would be over.

They wouldn't always lay in bed together after it. They wouldn't play with each others hair and lightly scratch each others skin seeing pink marks appear and then disappear with a tender brush of lips, they were used to fuck each other against the school walls and throw insults at each other five seconds after watching they orgasm in their hands, so the slight touches and shared looked weren't usual. But, for some reason, that day they laid in bed together just enjoying the touch.

The door opened with a loud crack and a squeaky voice going on about Regina not answering her phone. They both jumped startled and started to look for their clothes, while Gretchen stood in the door watching the scene with hers eyes almost falling out of her face.

Janis wished she had looked at Regina's eyes while it all happened, wished she had looked up for a second while putting on her pants, just enough to see what Regina looked like. Was she upset? Embarrassed? Disgusted? Furious? Janis still couldn't figure out. She just dressed up as fast as she could, shot Gretchen an unsure look and ran away from Regina's room. She needed to get out of that house and that neighbourhood as fast as she could, her skin was skill aching from Gretchen's tense look over her, and she needed to immediately shower and get rid of Regina's perfume that seemed engrained on her skin.

“What are you doing here?” Regina asked from the bed, only wearing her underwear and a white tank top.

“I called you a thousand times and you wouldn't answer, I was worried and decided to come, I'm sorry... I really shouldn't.” Gretchen apologized in a hurry.

“What do you want?” The blonde girl rolled her eyes getting up and looking for her phone over the side table.

“I... I found out Jason is single and wanted to tell you, I didn't knew if I should ask him out or not...” She mumbled uncertain, carefully watching Regina, waiting for the apex predator to attack her for seeing what she shouldn't.

“Ew... Don't.” Regina advised. “Wait for him to call you, don't be thirsty.”

Gretchen still stood exactly where she first stopped when she saw Regina and Janis... Well, when she saw Regina and Janis. She was honestly scared to move and break whatever was happening in that room. Oh God, she really was a bad friend wasn't she? How did she let this happen? Was Regina actually hooking up with the art freak? They were all cuddled and comfy, of course they were.

“I can see your head boiling.” Regina observed.

“Hm... I didn't meant to intrude, I swear.”

“It's okay, she was already leaving.” She admitted while pretending to pay attention to her nails. Regina wasn't surprised someone found out, specially Gretchen, it took her long enough. It wasn't ideal, keeping the secret was more exciting and definitely more suitable for the life she still wanted to live, but it would come out eventually. The secret, of course.

“Was that..?” Gretchen asked hinted.

“Yeah. Is that a problem?”

“No.. No, of course not!” She almost shouted. “I just wondered... You never told us about this...” Gretchen threw her shoulders as it wasn't important for her.

“It's no big deal.”

“Sure... I just thought you were seeing Aaron.”

“I am.” Regina knew her voice was confident, and didn't dared for a second to sound less than that, but Gretchen's affirmation annoyed her. Aaron didn't mean anything, but she couldn't say that, could she?

“Oh... I see.”

Regina's eyes went blank for a second as she wished she could tell Gretchen the truth, she would confess what Janis did to her and how much she longed for the girl's touch but if she did that, her reputation would be gone the next day.

“Anyways...” She shaked her own toughts “How do you know Jason is single?”

Gretchen eyes lightened up as she began telling her all about Jason's instagram stories and Regina pretended to listen to her for two hours.

A couple days passed and she would pretend not to think about Janis leaving her room in a hurry. She should be worried about Janis not ever coming back again, but she got drunk for enough time to distract herself from this. She was used to pretend she didn't cared about people, she would be fine. Really.

After her first class on monday, their eyes met for a fraction of a second in the hallway, Janis looked away quickly and agreed with something that theater nerd she called a friend said. Good, she hadn't told him about it.

“I'll meet you two later.” Regina suddenly stopped and turned to the opposite way, her eyes fixated in Janis, already a few meters away from her.

She moved quickly through the crowd, not that it was hard, people -did- stayed out of her way, and noticed Janis had just entered the girl's bathroom. She followed her and threw a daring look to the girl's washing their hands making them immediately leave. Regina reached for the lipgloss in her small purse and re applied while waiting for Janis to come out of booth.

Their eyes met through the mirror and Janis looked around confused by the unexpected emptiness.

“Hey.” Regina said in a low voice, almost as if she was afraid she would scare Janis.

“Hey.” Janis responded with arched brows, washing her hands still concerned with the situation.

The bell rang and they knew they would be late for class, but neither one moved.

“About that day...” Regina started.

“I'm not telling anyone about that, Regina. Don't worry.”

“Okay... Neither is Gretchen, so we're cool.”

“Yeah...” Janis scratched the back of her neck, thinking about the right words. “We should stop.”

Regina just stared at her, her eyes showed nothing.

“No one else is going to find out.”

“Gretchen wasn't supposed to find out either, but she did.”

“And I've handled her.” She argumented. “What's wrong with you?” She was starting to get desperate and her voice was showing it.

“What's wrong with me? You're the one who 'handled' Gretchen...” Janis spoke louder and immediately regretted. “Honestly, Regina? This is not good for me. You're not good for me, and we both know this.”

“I think we're pretty good for each other.” Regina smiled sensually but that did nothing to Janis. She was trying her hardest to not lose control of the situation.

“Until someone gets hurt.” Regina's smile fell. “And you know that one will be me. Again.”

Regina stared at the mirror, taking a deep breath to contain tears to fall. She was an idiot for wanting Janis, she could find someone better than her in a second, but she always get what she wants. And to have Janis she would have to face her worst fear: The truth.

Janis kept looking at her, not exactly admiring but memorizing the girl's details she wouldn't get to see once she left the bathroom.

“You're good for me.” Regina admitted staring at Janis reflection.  **“And everybody needs a friend.”** She tried a smile.

“That's not what we are.” Janis tilted her head.

“Then why do we keep going back to each other?” Regina asked with honest eyes.

“We don't have self control.” Janis shrugged and Regina actually smiled.

They looked in each others eyes and knew there was no going back.

Janis left the bathroom and even with no words exchanged between them, but they both knew their agreement was still on.


	3. Make them sing to me instead.

Janis was surprised with how her hidden relationship with her nemesis was working. It did had a lot of reasons it could go wrong and someone would end up in a coma, but they didn't left much space for that. Most times, they would text each other a time and place and meet there, no strings or small talk. And she was fine with that.    
Gretchen finding out might have turned things easier for both of them, specially now that they were no longer sophomores, and Regina got even more attention than before. They have seen each other a couple of time during Summer, Regina's room was still the same, except for the pictures she had of them growing up that were no longer in the wall. However, the beginning of their Junior year turned things a lot easier for them and Gretchen being aware of what happens between them was actually helpful. The girl would come up with the craziest excuses every time Regina was missing, and by the look Regina gave her and the unusual messy hair, she knew exactly what she was doing.   
Between hidden hook ups in the North Shore girl's bathroom, long hours of sex in Regina's room and dark harsh afternoons of non stop moaning in Janis' room, they've established a rhythm. And against all odds, it was working. Regina would still throw bitchy offenses to Janis in school and Janis would still spend friday nights planning a revenge that would never happen with Damian against Regina, they still hated each other, but it was undeniably good.   
Janis kept asking herself why she was still doing this, she had girls interested in her, from summer art camp, and have even met some girls online that she would be more than happy to date, but being with Regina was surprisingly easy. The girl knew exactly where she enjoyed being touched, she knew how to softly pull her hair while Janis was going down on her, she knew just how long it took for Janis to cum when she had her fingers inside her. What she also knows is how Janis loves soft kisses around her mouth before they even start, how Janis shivers when they hold hands during sex and how Janis is surprisingly into cuddling after they orgasm, even with sweaty hair and aching body, but they wouldn't mention these things. They wouldn't even think about those things because they led them to inappropriate conclusions over what they really wanted.   
Except for when Regina was drunk, and that is where Gretchen's help also came in very useful. The Queen Bee is usually very chatty whenever she gets drunk and Gretchen is always freaking out about the girl spilling too much, she feels that it would somehow be her fault. And Regina talks a lot about Janis when she's drunk, she never really says her name, but Gretchen knows it's not about Aaron she's talking about and is really anxious someone might think things through and find out about her best friend's secret.   
One night, in one of their first parties as juniors, Regina freaked out Gretchen wouldn't let her have another shot and decided to go home, she was well past being able to drive and called an uber, only when the car was pulling over in the address, she realized she hasn't even said goodbye to her boyfriend Aaron and that she was standing in Janis Sarkisian sidewalk.   
Regina really thought about getting back in the car and going home, but she was already there and had nothing better to do, maybe she could say hi to Janis. She moved to the girl's front door and knocked loudly, not even considering the possibility of Janis' mother answering the door. For her luck, Janis was the one she saw through the slightly opened door.   
“What are you doing here?” Janis hissed, opening the door and letting Regina get inside.   
As the girl walked in her direction, she immediately noticed she was drunk, her hair and clothes were not as perfect as usual, but her wide eyes and loose smile were giving her in.   
“I thought I'd visit you.” Regina said as she entered Janis' house with confidence.   
“At three AM?” Janis laughed and followed the girl to the kitchen.   
“I'm hungry.” She was seated in the kitchen stools and pouted with her face rested in her hands. Janis was starting to like Drunk Regina.   
“Well...” Janis opened the fridge. “I ordered pasta earlier and there's some leftover... I could make you some grilled cheese, if you'd like.”   
“You used to make amazing grilled cheese.” Regina grinned. If Janis didn't already knew she was drunk, this reaction would sure make it obvious.   
“Okay...” Janis carefully got everything she needed and placed them in the counter in front of Regina. She avoided looking at the girl, instead she paid extra attention to what she was doing and thought about the sudden visit.   
Was Regina actually drunk in her kitchen at 3AM? And looking surprisingly not threatening? That was definitely not how Janis expected her night to go, but now that Regina was inside there was not much she could do except waiting for the best.   
“How was your night going?” Regina asked as Janis waited for the sandwich to grill.   
“Good.” She said with a shrug. “Just watching movies and stuff.”   
“Cool.”   
“How was your night going?” Janis regretted immediately after asking. She knew exactly how Regina's night was going.   
“Good.” Janis raised her eyebrow as Regina looked everywhere but her. “ I was at a party with the girls.” She said dragging her words.   
“Yeah, I figured...” Janis flipped the grilled cheese, still not facing Regina.   
“I couldn't stop thinking about you.”   
Janis' eyes widened and she was glad Regina couldn't see her reaction, but she really wished she could see Regina's face when she said that. She placed the grilled cheese in the plate and handed it to Regina.   
Regina deep down knew she shouldn't be there, but even just like this, it felt so good to be around Janis. Her eyes wandered through Janis' body and smiled, the girl was wearing pajama shorts and a white t-shirt with Mickey's face in the front.   
“You look pretty cute.” Regina said giggling, Janis couldn't help but laugh along.   
“You look pretty drunk.”   
“Do I look pretty and drunk?” She laughed and gave her grilled cheese a huge bite.   
“Shut up.” Janis finds it funny how Regina was almost another person when she was drunk. She wasn't entirely sure if this was a whole new personality Regina kept inside her or if this is just who she really is but it's too afraid to show. Either way, it was nice to watch the girl talk, act and move around Janis house without her usual pink armor.   
“You haven't even kissed me when I got here.” Regina said suddenly stopping in her track when they were walking to the living room. Janis laughed and nervously scratched the back of her neck, still looking at Regina's dizzy eyes.   
“I'm not feeling really good today, not in the mood.” She lied and Regina's look immediately changed.   
“Would you like me to take care of you?” She asked moving dangerously close to Janis and pressing her against the wall. Her lips going straight to her jaw, Janis felt the smile and smelled the alcohol in her breath.   
“You're the one who needs to be taken care of.” Janis chuckled and freed herself from Regina's hold.   
“I don't...” She cried as a spoiled little girl and Janis usually felt annoyed by this behavior, but it suited Regina quite well.   
“How about you take a shower and have some sleep?” She proposed.   
“Will you join me?” Regina had a devious smile on her face, that fell as Janis only rolled her eyes and moved to the stairs.   
Why was it so easy with everyone else, but so hard with Janis?   
Janis opened her bedroom's door and realised it was the first time they were in there and not frantically making out and taking their clothes off. She would be intimidated by Regina's judgmental look if the girl wasn't drunk.   
Even with that though in mind, it was still awkward watching Regina George carefully analyze every part of her room. Regina smiled when she reached for the snow globe of New York she had over her dresser and her fingers travelled through the rings and necklaces tossed around, Regina looked at Janis, that was seated by the window watching her movements, and arched her brow while holding a picture that was hanging by the mirror.   
“I remember this day.” She said in a low voice.   
“Yeah, you were there.” Janis smiled but quickly looked outside.   
“Can you imagine what it would be like if we were still friends?” Regina asked softly, walking towards Janis.   
“You pretty much ruined that for me.” Janis muttered and, without looking, knew Regina took a step back. She shouldn't have said that now, Regina was clearly drunk and wouldn't remember anything, but she couldn't me melancholically about the past. Not about her past with Regina.   
“I regret that every day.” Regina confessed with her eyes lost wandering through the paintings stacked in the side.   
“I doubt it.” She threw over the girl.   
“I swear.” Regina took a few steps closer, her hands messing with her curls.   
“Why don't you do something then?” Janis didn't wanted to come for Regina like that, but she couldn't pretend anymore.   
“I can't go back in time.” The blonde bit her own lips, holding tears from falling.   
“You could do something.”   
“I can't lose what I have.”    
“That's what I thought.” There it was. Janis laughed sarcastically and stared deep into Regina's eyes.   
“I can't lose you too.” Regina said and Janis instantly raised an eyebrow defiantly. “Not everything is black and white, Janis.”   
“Well...” Janis stared out at the window and let her back meet the coldness of the glass. “You can't have everything.”   
“You're the one person that quiets the voices in my head.” Regina whispered with a vague smile. “Makes them sing to me instead.”   
Janis turned to meet Regina's eyes again. Maybe this was honesty, in Regina's own crazy way, maybe her drunk whispers were her honesty.   
“When I'm with you I'm not afraid.”   
“What are you afraid of?” Janis asked softly.   
“People hating me...” She started and spoke very slow, stumbling on her own words. “My dad moving out... My sister turning out like me... My mom having a stroke out of so many pills she takes...” Her words were slow and messy,  and her eyes were far from there. “You leaving me.”   
“Regina...” Janis held a breath, she stood up and reached for Regina's hand.   
“I'm afraid to see your paintings and find out one of them is about me.” A fake smile appeared on her fake and Janis placed a soft kiss on her lips, she tasted vodka and salty tears.   
Every single one of them was about Regina. The ones about hate, about regret, sorrow, love, distance.   
“Can I see them?” She mumbled.   
“Yeah...” Janis let go of Regina's hands and watched the girl moving towards the pile of paintings.   
She carefully lifted each one and spent a good amount of time examining them, her back was facing Janis and the girl couldn't see her reaction to them, it was probably for the best.   
“I like this one.” She murmured and only because of how quiet the room was Janis was able to hear her.   
“I don't.” Janis laughed. She absolutely hated the painting, it was sloppy, the texture was awful and the lights were all wrong, but she could see why Regina liked it.   
“I didn't knew you liked pink.” She grinned playful, now looking at Janis.   
“Maybe we all need a touch of pink in our lives.”   
Regina smiled and yawed.   
“How about you take a shower and sleep?” Janis asked softly.   
The girl agreed and walked to the bathroom, taking her shirt and pants off before she reached the door, making Janis walk after her, caughting the clothes. The water was freezing cold and ran over her back and chest cleaning her body smoothly. Her makeup was definitely smudged all over her face, but there was not much she could do. Her head began to ache as she felt some of the alcohol effect leaving her body. Her dizziness stopped and her hands were more assertive.   
She heard a noise and saw Janis leaving the bathroom quickly, leaving a towel and pajamas behind her. Regina let the water run over her body for a couple more minutes, thinking about her night but didn't take long until she got dressed and faced the bathroom mirror trying to take off the rest of mascara that was leaving a black stain under her eyes.    
The clothes smelled like Janis as she wondered if it would be awkward if she took them home with her.   
“Thank you.” She said as she left the bathroom and found Janis seated in bed with her phone in hands. Janis could tell by her tone that the cold water got her sober.   
“It's okay.” Janis got up and walked past Regina. “You can have the bed, I'll sleep downstairs.”   
“Why?” Regina laughed and Janis mouth hangs open, not exactly knowing how to answer the question. “Just sleep on your damn bed, it won't be the first time we sleep together.”   
Janis nodded and asked if she could turn off the lights.   
“Can you leave just the lamp on?” Regina requested already getting under the covers and moving to the opposite side of the bed.   
“Are you afraid of the dark?” Janis smiled, now only partially seeing Regina with the low light.   
“Shut up and sleep.” Regina said playful, with her body facing Janis, that rested on her back.   
After a few minutes of silence, that almost got them thinking they had fallen asleep, Regina said:   
“I'm sorry for showing up like this.” Her voice was low. “That's not how we work.”   
“It's okay.” Janis turned her head and noticed the girl looked younger without makeup.   
“I needed to see you. I don't know why.” They both knew this revelation wasn't related to her drunkenness anymore, maybe it was the dark, or Janis' smell on the clothes she was wearing, maybe their proximity...   
Still, the words were almost like a weight above them. With the two of them, they always knew what to say, how to tease, so whenever they would reach conversations like these, they would just combust before anything appropriate could come out of their lips. Almost like there was a wall between them.   
Janis still haven't said anything. How could she answer to something like that? Regina knew she shouldn't have expectations over Janis, they weren't together and the girl certainly didn't owned her anything, but the silence still hurt her.   
“We need to change one of our rules.” She said suddenly.   
“Why?” Regina furrowed her eyebrows.   
“The fourth one said I couldn't fall in love with you.” Janis stated.   
Regina almost screamed. Would Janis said she was in love with her?   
“And...”   
Regina never felt more thankful for the darkness, her eyes were glowing at the possibility of Janis saying she was in love with her. She had no idea how she would react, and knew that that would probably change things between them, but still, she eager to hear the words.   
“I think you're the one that will fall in love with me.” She said and looked to Regina with a devious grin.   
Of course she was joking.   
“You wish...” Regina forced a laugh and almost convinced herself.   
“You obviously have a big lesbian crush on me.” Janis pronounced the words slowly with a hint of a smile, and Regina actually laughed.   
“Ugh... Shut up.” Janis stopped Regina before she could deny again and closed the distance between them. She pressed a kiss against Regina's lips and let her hands move to Regina's neck, while she weighted her body over her elbow pressed on the mattress. Regina kissed back and already went to touch Janis's stomach under her shirt. Janis knew they shouldn't do anything tonight, and knew she was getting too attached to Regina – and the girl was also – but she couldn't help to. Touching and kissing Regina's skin has seriously became her biggest addiction.   
“You say I'm in love with you, but you're the one that kissed me.” Regina hissed as their lips parted while Janis kissed her earlobe.   
“We both know you would do this if I didn't.” Janis whispered in the girl's ear and Regina's skin shivered.   
Regina rolled over Janis and splayed her hands over Janis' chest.   
“We are not changing rule number four.” She growled grasping Janis chin up, so she would stare at her.   
Her hips thrusted slowly against Janis and she watched the girl roll her eyes with the sudden movement. She reached down and kissed Janis again, seductively sucked her bottom lip into her mouth and then let their tongues meet each other's again for a hurried moment. Her hands went down Janis' body and pulled her over sized t-shirt over her head, only stopping the kiss long enough for the piece of fabric to be off and then engaging in a known rhythm again. Regina's hands met Janis' breasts, now freed without the shirt, she played with her nippled between her fingers and grabbed her full boobs in her hands.   
Her nails dipped in Janis' skin and left a trace of red lines behind them, her hips never stopped thrusting and Janis reciprocated the movement, trying to deepen the friction between them. Janis pulled Regina's shirt with a sudden movement, longing for their skins to be in contact, their breast touching and nipples brushing against each others, already arousing them. Janis let her hands fall to Regina's butt and pressed, getting their bodies even closer. She was already wet and Regina knew it, but wouldn't release the girl's pleasure just yet, she moved slowly like a predator over Janis' body.    
A smiled appeared on her face as she watched the girl's breasts exposed, her lips went down and met one of them, pressing soft kisses around the pinky aureola, while her other hand grasped Janis waist with strength. She licked the rosy nipple and caught it with her mouth, letting her tongue work with the sensitive part, while Janis breathed loudly under her.   
“You taste so fucking good...” Regina husked. “Can't wait to taste your pussy again...” She went back to the girl's neck and bited in harshly, intently leaving a mark. Janis moaned noisily and she smiled at the expected reaction.   
Her mouth finally went down Janis' body, leaving marks all over her stomach, stopping just before she reached the girl's waistband. She looked up smiling and met Janis' aroused eyes. She quickly seated in the bed and pulled Janis' shorts along with her panties, she couldn't wait anymore. She bit loosely the way over Janis tights to her hot center, already dripping wet. Regina smiled letting her tongue trace a line over the wetness, Janis instantly arching her back. The blonde just placed a soft kiss above Janis' clit and placed her hand firmly over Janis' stomach, keeping her in place.   
She kissed she girl's lips tenderly, like she would usually kiss her mouth, and almost orgasmed herself hearing Janis whisper her name. Janis hands were on Regina's head trying to increase the contact, but Regina knew better than this and stopped her tongue each time Janis' would pressure her. She was building Janis' orgasm slowly, she parted the girl's lips and let her tongue penetrate her, having her entire face pressed against Janis' center. Janis kept groaning and calling Regina's name as the girl kept the movement, but her body almost collapsed as Regina let two fingers inside her, still sucking her clit. Her eyes were attentive to Janis' face, that jerked her head back as she was getting closer to her climax.    
Regina kept her thrusts and felt Janis' insides tigher around her fingers.   
“Fuck...” Janis melted  under Regina, that still had two fingers inside her and could still taste her cum on her mouth. She got up slowly, with her face still wet from the girl's arousal and reached  for a kiss, letting Janis taste herself.    
“We're not changing rule number four.” She said with her lips brushing against Janis'.


	4. Bad habit, I know. But I'm needing you right now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi. It took me a while to post this chapter, but Carnaval just ended here in Brazil and only today I found time to post! I hope everyone is enjoying this story, xx!

“ _ Bad habit, I know. But I'm needing you right now.” George, 21:12. _

Janis was used to this kind of message by now. She was used to Regina's needy hands all over her body, even though her eyes wouldn't meet hers when they were laying in bed after it. She was used to hide and pretend, it was no big deal, a deal that didn't hurt anyone but themselves.

She replied fast as she got out of bed and started to change out of her pajamas and into more appropriate clothes. She lied to her mother saying she was going to Cady's house, and her mom didn't even suspected, in the last few weeks she has been spending a lot of time with Cady and Damien. Since Halloween, Cady had been more settled than ever, she wanted Aaron and wanted to take down Regina. Their planning was requiring a lot more effort than they thought it would.

The cold air quickly met her face as she left the house and started the short walk to Regina's. The night sky looked darker than usual, the streets seemed quieter. She looked around trying to figure out the reason why she seemed more an outsider than usual, but couldn't find anything different yet. Before even reaching the porch, she texted the girl again, letting her know she arrived, that was another small deal they had. Not ever let their mothers figure out. It was easier. And of course if fell under the condition of -no one- knowing about their little agreement.

“ _ I'm in the back. Meet me here.” George, 21:37. _

That was odd. As she walked to the backyard of the giant house, she remembered some moments of her childhood in there with her former best friend. She clearly remembered there used to be swings and the marks on the grass, even though the great work of some gardener tried to hide, were still apparent.

Regina was nowhere to be seen, but when Janis looked up, she couldn't help but smile. The tree house was still there with a low light coming out of the window. They used to play all the time in that tree house until Regina fell out of the fifth step and bruised her left knee. The memory of Regina crying and reaching desperately for Janis' help was still very clear.

Janis climbed up and slowly opened the small door, bending to get inside. Her eyes met a small figure seated near the window looking at the stars, the resemblance with the young girl she used to play when she was a kid was almost scary.

The girl stared at her for a second and took a deep breath, she got up and pushed Janis through her collar, closing the distance between them with a sloppy kiss and careless hands pushing down Janis' jacket. Their lips quickly fell in a comfortable movement with a slight brush of their tongues, however Janis still stood there not even touching Regina, that seemed so dedicated yet so disconnected, her messy hand grabbed Janis shirt and pulled it over without paying much attention. They've doing this for long enough for Janis to know when something was off. Their lips parted so Regina could take off the other girl's shirt and Janis took a moment to look into her eyes.

The usual smug in her lips was gone, just as the sensual spark in her eyes. Her eyes were light pink and teary, facing everywhere but Janis.

“Were you crying?” Janis whispered.

“Don't do this.”

“Maybe I should leave.” Janis was lowkey scared, she haven't seen Regina crying in years - at least not sober, and the sorrow in Regina's eyes seemed darker and deeper than she wanted to reach.

“Fine. You can leave and I'll find someone else to fuck me.” Regina knew those words might hurt Janis and she knew it was a lie, but she needed to see Janis' reaction.

“Of course you will.” Janis muttered and turned around, disgusted.

“Jan...” Regina held her hand, stopping her from leaving. Janis just stared at Regina in silence.

“What do you want?” Janis asked honestly and Regina bit her lips, holding the truth to come out. Instead she kissed Janis. That would have to be enough for now.

Regina placed Janis hands on her waist and held her face kissing her with passion, but the girl still wouldn't be reciprocal. It wasn't enough.

“I said I needed you.” Regina whispered against Janis lips and maybe against her own will.

Before their lips connected again, Janis softly rested her forehead on the girl's, their eyes met for a beat before Regina could look the other way, Janis quickly reached for the girl's jaw and turned her head again, so they were facing each other. Regina closed her eyes and let her body relax against Janis'. She took a deep breath and contained a smile realising how much she enjoyed Janis' perfume. Her hands caressed Janis neck and shoulders and met in the back of the girls neck; with her eyes still closed she brushed their lips lightly enough that she felt the smooth shiver she caused Janis. In moments like this one, Regina really wished she wasn’t the responsible for ruling the school, she wished she didn’t had to go back together with Aaron to prove that to Cady. Sometimes she hated playing her part and Janis was the only thing that brought her back to reality.

She moved slowly towards the ground, filled with blankets and pillows, bringing Janis down with her, she laid over Janis and took off her own shirt. She needed to feel the girl's skin against her more than anything right now. Janis' warm hands moved over her exposed stomach, pressing lightly and she smiled as Janis pulled her down through her bra. Their lips met again, this time with a more assertive touch, with a well known smirk and a long established debate with their tongues against each other.

Janis reached for the long blonde locks that fell between them and, while she took them out of the way, Regina's hips moved against hers causing low moans to come out of her. They smiled a bit between the kiss and Janis rolled their bodies, topping the girl and pinning her wrists above her head. Janis kissed her lips tenderly and moved slowly down the girl's body – biting on her ear lobe, tracing her tongue around her jaw, biting softly on her shoulder, kissing deeply near her breasts still partially hidden by her white bra, dipping her tongue in the girl's belly button – all while Regina held back moans and motioned her body under Janis, trying her best to exhale the pulsation inside her skinny white jeans.

Janis released Regina's hands as she reached her waist and started to work on the girls zipper, slowly pulling it down and exposing the white underwear, she felt Regina's long fingers rubbing her scalp and holding her hair together. She looked up for a second and saw the girl's head laid back, her chest moving vigorously with her unsteady breathing. She continued bringing the girl's pants down and scraped softly her tights earning a louder moan.

As she got rid of Regina's pants, she left a small kiss over the girl's panties, feeling the warmth and holding her legs over her shoulders.

“Fuck, Janis.”

Regina exhaled in a low voice as Janis kept kissing her inner thigh and over the white lace panties. At this point in their (hiden) relationship, Janis knew exactly how to frustrate Regina, she knew how long the girl could handle before she started begging.

“Jan, come on.” She whispered.

That nickname was only said in moments like this, but it definitely did something with Janis head. She bit over Regina panties lightly and let her lips and tip of the nose brush slightly her wetness. Regina's fingers sinkered deep in her hair, forcing Janis to meet the inside of her legs, while she cried a bit not containing her excitement. Janis moved upwards Regina's body and kissed her slowly, feeling the girl's legs crossing over her waist.

“Tell me what you want.”She husked near the girls mouth, staring deep in her blue eyes.

“Fuck you, Janis.” Regina cried and kept moving her pelvis, thrusting their hips together.

“Tell me what you want.” Janis purred while sucking her neck skin into her mouth. She let her hands reach Regina's nipple still covered by the bra and pinched it with the tip of her fingers.

Regina was moving frantically under Janis, digging her nails over the girls back knowing it would leave a mark and not caring about it, she bit Janis' shoulders and kept pressing their hips together, longing for Janis' touch.

Janis reached for her mouth again, sucking harshly Regina's lower lip.

“Please, Jan... Fuck me, please...” Regina begged in a whisper and Janis' hands quickly moved between her legs. Janis inserted her middle finger inside Regina in a sudden movement and the girl arched her back as a response, Janis kept a steady rhythm, also giving the girl's clit soft strokes with her thumb, Regina cried her name and Janis could see her eyes roll back with pleasure. Regina's nails were buried in her back hurted like they were fire but she enjoyed every second of it.

She slowly took her finger out and before Regina could beg her to keep going she filled Regina's mouth with it and let the girl taste her own wetness. Regina smiled sensually while doing it, licking Janis' finger and staring straight into her eyes. Janis enjoyed the view but couldn't wait to see the girl orgasm under her, so she buried two fingers inside Regina and tilted them enough to make the girl moan loudly and hold her tighter, she kept thrusting in a vivid rhythm until Regina collapsed under her, letting her legs and arms fall.

Regina's eyes were still closed when she held Janis' jaw and brought her for a lazy kiss. A crazy and quick thought crosses her mind, they could be happy together.

Janis left a soft kiss on her lips, then her nose, her jaw, her eyes and came back to her lips again. Now, layed with Regina's hands caressing her shoulder while her face was buried in the girl's neck, she wondered the reason she was crying. Was it because she found out that Cady had a plan to take her down? No, Cady would have told Janis immediately.

She felt guilty laying with Regina knowing she was planning a revenge against her. Of course it wasn't the first time she felt like that after they had sex, but she hadn't met a crying Regina before.

“I have to go.” Janis seated in a sudden move and started to look for her shirt.

“Wait, let me take care of you...” Regina seductively kissed her shoulders while Janis faced the other way.

“I'm cool... Really.” she got dressed awkwardly and got up trying not to meet Regina's eyes. “I'll see you around.”

She left without looking at Regina.


	5. Look at me smile with tears in my eyes.

“Regina is cheating on Shane.”

Cady wondered if it was the right thing to do, expose Janis like this. Like Regina had done to her before, but she needed to know. At the end, it could be just a gossip Gretchen told her.

“What?” Damien looked like a child on Christmas. “This is everything! We just have to let Aaron know about this and I'm sure they'll break up.”

“Yeah... But, how did you find out about this?” Janis asked carefully. “Regina told you?” her eyes narrowed.

“No... Gretchen did.” Cady said and, from the way they looked at each other, she knew it was true. Janis' look instantly fell and she took a deep breath.

Damien promptly started to plan their next step, he was more than excited that their revenge would finally be complete. First, because he would finally mess with Regina after she messed with Janis in middle school, but also because he just wanted this to be over and go back to spend his free time watching rom-coms with Jan (even though she would never admit it).

Later that same night, as Cady and Janis were walking home together, they couldn't help but talk about the tension between them.

“So... Are you okay with exposing Regina?” Cady asked already feeling the guilty of getting involved in their lives.

“Sure.” Janis didn't even looked at Cady, just threw the words at the air with a blank stare.

“I know it's you.” Cady said in a low voice.

“I know.” Janis responded in the same way.

“I just...” Cady stopped walking and Janis turned around just a couple steps in front of her. “How?” she asked honestly “Why?”

Janis gave shoulders.

“Have you seen her?” Her smile didn't reach her eyes.

“Janis...”

“One day she appeared in the art room and we ended up arguing – as usual.”Janis rolled her eyes and threw her head back. “Out of nowhere she jumped and kissed me. We were so caught up in the argument that out energy shifted focus completely and just...”

“When was that?”

“Last year.”

“What? It has been going on for a year?”

“We're not together or anything, okay? We just call each other whenever we want to fuck.”

“Sure...” Cady coughed.

“Trust me. The only feeling involved is anger.”

They both knew it was a lie, but admitting it would hurt too much people by now.

“How long Gretchen knows?”

“She found out a couple months ago.” The girl closed her eyes remembering the exact scene “I thought they would both freak out but turns out Regina just shrugged and Gretchen stood there like a scared dog.”

Cady stopped for a second, she could really see that happening, of course Gretchen wouldn't say anything, she worshiped Regina.

“It doesn't change anything in our plans.” Janis said with a conclusive expression and started walking again, Cady soon followed her.

“ _ We have to see each other tomorrow.”Ian, 23:16. _

“ _ Come to my place at 3pm.” George, 23:20. _

Janis walked to the door of the George's house and, before she could knock, Regina opened the door wearing a white tank top, light pink velvet pajama shorts and a confident smile.

“Hey.” she said innocently.

Janis didn't even greeted Regina. She just went in her direction and kissed her lips roughly, her arms went straight to the girl's waist and held her up. Regina squealed with excitement and threw her legs around Janis, as she felt her back fiercely reach the wall. The door slammed loudly but that didn't stop them, their lips were still ferociously moving against each other. The touch was sloppy and their teeth collided against each other, making the two girls smile softly against each other's mouth. Regina held Janis' hair and entangled her fingers between them, smoothly pulling it, getting muffled moans from the girl.

As if this was their last encounter, Janis' mouth hungrily lowered to the girl's neck, the trace of bites and wet kisses fastly left marks on her skin.

“Don't leave a mark.”

Janis laughed on her skin, intentionally biting her shoulder and softly pressing her teeth, followed by her tongue racing from the shoulders to her lower neck. The feeling of Regina's nails tracing on her back felt a lot like revenge. She reached for the blonde's lips again with an amused smile and the girl tried her hard to keep a steady face.

“Don't you dare leave a mark.” Regina whispered against the girl's lips.

“Or what?” Janis raised an eyebrow and softly released her hold on Regina's hips.

“Or we're done.” She let her legs meet the ground, freeing herself from the girl's touch, tilted her head to the side and crossed her arms in her chest.

Janis was trying really hard not to laugh. Oh, boy, one of these days they would actually be done, and she would actually miss moments like these.

“Whatever.” She turned around and before reaching for the door Regina's hand grabbed hers.

“Ugh.” Regina rolled her eyes. “Let's go to my room.”

Fuck, sometimes it felt too real.

They walked through the house still holding hands, and she couldn't stop thinking about her secret revenge plan, about her secret friendship with Cady, about Cady's recent discovery of their affair.

Before she could realize where they were, Regina pushed her against the closed door and already held her shirt sliding it up and kissing the exposed parts of her stomach, she smiled at the vision of Regina on her knees devotedly kissing and scratching her skin. Her hands instinctively grabbed Regina's hair and caressed her scalp, enjoying the enthusiasm the girl was giving her.

As Regina reached for her zipper Janis felt the guilt striking in her head. She pushed Regina's head by her hair and met beautiful blue eyes lustfully staring at her.

“What's wrong?”

“We have to talk.”

Regina's eyebrow furrowed as she stood up and tried to fix her hair.

“Is it serious?”

“Yeah...” Janis scratched the back of her head pondering her thoughts.

“Put your shirt on then, or else I won't focus.” She smiled softly and seated on the bed. Behind her smile, she was deeply worried. Janis has been the most stable part of her life for a while now and, she would never admit it in a million years, but only with her Regina felt like herself.

She watched Janis reach her black t-shirt on the ground and awkwardly put it on.

“We can't do this anymore.”

It was like Regina could hear the words before they came out of Janis' mouth. She knew it was coming. Knew it wasn't forever and that Janis wouldn't take her crap for much longer. Hell, she knew Janis deserved best. She deserves someone that would take her to parties and introduce her to their friends, someone that would save her contact on their phones with a heart next to it without feeling embarrassed of what it might mean. Someone that could actually admit they were in love with her.

She deserved someone that offered everything Regina couldn't.

Regina wanted to be with Janis.

Only at this moment she could admit it to herself, a thought she avoided for so long. She wanted to take Janis out, show her off on instagram, be the first person she showed her paintings to, wanted to spend the night with her and cuddle without feeling guilty. More than anything, she wanted to accept these things were what she wanted.

She wanted to ask Janis the reason.

“Why can't we do this anymore? Am I not good enough for you?” She had so many questions but none of them came up, she knew the answer for them.

They stared at each other for what felt like hours and -somehow- Janis knew the debate going on inside Regina's head. She could feel the tension rising and falling on the girl's shoulders and the tears that formed and were gone with a brush of Regina's hand.

“Whatever.”

From all the things she could have said, from all the words that expressed just how broke Janis would leave her, she chose the one that didn't said anything.

“Whatever.” The words unsaid flew around them in the room, their eyes met and held the same remorse. There was no turning back now – and they both knew this.

As soon as Janis closed the door behind her, Regina started crying. That's all she's been doing lately. She cries before going to school, sometimes in the bathroom, when she arrives from class, before going out with Aaron, after seen her friends. It was out of her control.

She was dating Aaron. And that should be everything she has always wanted but why did it felt so wrong? Why did Aaron's hands on her body felt like a machine? Were they always like this, or is she only noticing it now that she has felt Janis’ touch? Faking was becoming harder each day and the pressure was starting to feel too much. 

As if her life wasn’t already falling apart, the only thing she was really sure about was gone. She knew she shouldn’t have cried in front of Janis, but it was becoming part of her day by now, and Janis was the only person that could make her feel good in that moment. She did everything wrong.

Regina reached for her phone. There was a couple of missed texts, a few from Gretchen, a series of emojis from Karen, but most of them were from Aaron. That was definitely unusual, Aaron would always call her - and she hated that.

“We need to talk.” Aaron, 15:47.

She closed her eyes and massaged her temples. The last thing she wanted right now was to see Aaron’s face, but he was already coming to her house and his messages seemed urgent. He was always pissing her off, even if he wasn’t even in the same room as her. Her make up was a mess, the black line coming down her eyes gave away the amount of crying, she got up and started to pull herself back together. Aaron might be a good distraction for her now at least.

“Whatever.” She said to herself in the mirror and her eyes teared up again just with the thought of Janis’ last words before leaving.

She should have asked her to stay. She should have sworn she would change. She should have said how much she meant to her.

But she wasn’t ready for that. Not yet.

The minutes went by quick and as she left the bathroom, Aaron opened her door with a sudden move. From the look in his eyes, she knew things weren’t going to go fine between them.

Aaron had a lot to say, had some tears to fall, some urge to punch Regina’s pillows. But the girl couldn’t even react. She didn’t had the strength to that. Not again. She just stared at him and listened in silence. Her lips almost formed a smile when he revealed he found out she was cheating on him with Shane Oman, but laughing at Aaron now would only make things worst.

How was she not feeling anything? How could this long speech don’t cause her anything, but Janis’ single word goodbye make her heart break?

Aaron stared at her, waiting for a response, tears forming on his eyes.

She felt guilty for a second, but there was nothing she could do about it.

“Are we done?” She asked watching her nails. It might look like she wasn’t even paying attention to him, but she was actually avoiding his eyes or else they would both be crying.

“We’re definitely done.” The boy left the room and she had a dejavu.

She looked at the ceiling, trying to keep her breath steady and put her thoughts in order.

With a scared jump she woke up. She fell asleep crying, again. It was already night outside, her eyes wandered around the room, looking for her phone. It was nowhere to be seen.

Maybe it was the night air, or maybe the dream she had of Janis staying, but she could only think of one thing she wanted - needed - to do now.

She recklessly drove in maximum speed to Janis’ house. It was close and not really necessary, but if it took her one second more she could lose the courage.

Janis heard the knocks and looked through the window, it was dark outside and she couldn’t see anything but the reflexes of a white car parked in front of her house. It couldn’t be her.

She opened the door and faced a serious Regina. Maybe more serious than she has ever seen her.

They stared at each other for a while, analyzing each other’s faces and features, memorizing almost. Janis looked like she’d been crying, Regina shouldn’t be happy for that but she was. The silence was broke by Regina.

“Don’t leave me alone.” She begged honest.

“We can’t be together.” Janis said, firmly holding the door, not leaving any room for Regina to come inside, instead watching the girl stand awkwardly in front of her.

“You make me feel like I’m floating off the ground.” Regina nervously played with her fingers, trying her best not to cry. “Above this little town.”

Janis bit her lip, it wasn’t fair and she wouldn’t play Regina’s game again.

“You’re the only good thing in my life, you know that?” She laughed a little, with tears in her eyes. “Maybe that’s why I always come after you.”

“You don’t get to do this.” Janis cleared her throat. “Don’t even try to act like the poor little girl, okay?”

“I’m not doing anything.” Regina said louder, impatient. “The last thing I’d want is your pity.”

“You don’t get to be the good guy, Regina.” Janis snapped, her nails puncturing the door. “Not after everything you did.”

Janis’ words felt like a stab in Regina’s stomach.

“It will always come down to this.” Regina laughed. “But you know what? I’m not pretending to be the good guy, I’m always the bad guy and always will be. That’s it, right? I can’t ever change in my entire life.” She barked at Janis. “For the rest of my life I’ll be the girl that fucked up with you and ruined your life.”

“Yeah. You’ll always be that girl.” Janis shrugged. “I’m glad you finally understood that.” She spit the words at Regina.

“We’ve slept together for a year an-

“You started it!” She interrupted Regina. Their faces and bodies felt hot with the sudden discussion as they screamed at each other, in a way they haven’t in a very long time.

“You enjoyed it! And you hate that you enjoyed it, don’t you? That you loved fucking me and loved feeling my fingers inside you?” Regina finished the sentence in a lower voice, stepping closer to Janis. “Was I the villain when I made you orgasm? Or am I only the bad guy when you need to feel like the hero?”

Janis honestly wished she could punch Regina in the face, but instead she caught Regina’s jaw with her free hand, pulling her closer, and held it ruthless. She bit Regina’s lower lip and the girl moaned loudly, she couldn’t tell if the cause was the pleasure or the pain, but when in comes to the both of them, it was usually both.

“Can you believe I almost fell in love with you?” Regina mocked.

“You couldn’t have feelings even if you tried.” Janis laughed again and Regina felt the anger rise her body. She clenched her wrists and closed her eyes fiercely, feelling a single tear roll down her face.

Their faces were almost touching but none of them would dare to move an inch. Until Regina did, she moved away in a sudden move and ran to her car.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! I was planning on posting the next chapter tomorrow, but I'm really not happy with what I wrote! So I'm rewriting the entire chapter and it will be up this week!


	6. I hate to say that I love you, but I do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome to the last chapter of Bad Habit. This has been one of my favorite stories to write and I'm really proud of the finished work. Shout out to Tara (kleksuh on tumblr) for motivating me to write this last chapter!  
> I really hope you guys like it and thank you so much for reaching this far!

A couple of weeks passed until they talked to each other again.

It took Cady assuming the army of skanks, took Gretchen to lose her mind, took Aaron to almost stop believing in relationships, took Damian long hours on planning revenge, but it definitely was worst for them. They've found other things to focus on, Janis had an long planned revenge strategy and Regina had prom dresses to try and burn book pages to spread.

They've been busy, but haven't stopped thinking about each other for a second.

When they finally talked again, there were also screaming and crying, but this time, an audience watched them. All the girls from sophomore year paid careful attention to them. They listened Janis' speech and cheered with her. She was the hero after all.

Regina felt like the world had actually burned. She did that to herself and she knew it, but she couldn't help but feel betrayed. There were a few moments that she actually believed Janis felt something for her, that what happened between them wasn't just sex, maybe when they were saying goodbye and gave each other a peck on the lips, maybe when Janis kissed her elbow and she felt like that was the cutest thing someone has ever done to her, maybe when Janis would ask how was her day before they had sex.

Turns out, it was all just a well planned revenge.

Her head instantly began to hurt and she crossed eyes with Cady on the other side of the room, before the girl could reach her, she started to walk towards the outside. She needed fresh air and needed to be as far away from that school as possible. Her head felt like it would explode at any second and, as much as she tried to contain them, she felt tears starting to form in her eyes.

She walked straight to her car, ignoring Cady's voice calling her.

“How could I fall in love with her?” She thought and before anything else could cross her mind, it was black and noise. Then pain.

She got fucking hit by a bus.

As if it wasn't bad enough, a fucking school bus had to ran over her. She lost her girl, her reputation, her friends, her body and now she might even lost her ability to walk. And everyone knew her walk was one of the most iconic things about her.

But she didn't. She might have lost all the other things, but she could still walk. She even danced at Spring Fling.

And she had a lot of time to think of the right words to say to everyone. She apologized to Cady, Gretchen and Karen, her mother and even Aaron. However, her mind was still stuck on Janis. She wanted to apologize, but the right words hasn’t came up yet. Is there any right words? Is there anything she could say to Janis that wouldn’t make the girl scream at her? And would Janis be wrong if she reacted like that?

Honestly, Regina didn’t deserve anyone’s forgiveness. Somehow, her friends were able to give it to her, at the end they really were better people than she could ever be.

As Gretchen braided her hair and talked about the classes of the day, Regina wished she could go back to school as soon as possible, but her mind quickly corrected her and she tough of never going back. She wanted to ask how Janis was doing, but she would never do that and Gretchen wouldn’t dare to spontaneously talk about the girl, the last think she wanted was to piss Regina, not because she was afraid of her, like in the old times, but because she knew the girl was taking lots of medication and was still in deep pain.

“How’s Cady?” She asked with a shrug and her face immediately wrenched with the pain.

“She’s very quiet.” Gretchen moved in the bed so she was facing Regina. “She’s eating lunch with the Mathletes now.” The girl’s face fell a little. “But she always talks to Karen and I.” The forced smile was clear.

Regina wanted to apologize for this. She was the reason Gretchen lost her friends, but everytime she apologized to Gretchen things seemed to get weird between them, so she swallowed dry and held her friend’s hand.

Things would get easier.

Eventually.

Cady reached for Regina during the summer vacation. She was already much better by then and was able to actually hug Cady without feeling guilt or pain. It meant a lot for both of them. Regina dared to ask something from Cady, she knew she had no right to do this, but took a chance. Cady smiled softly and promised she would call Gretchen.

Things got easier.

The next time she saw Janis, her entire skin burned like she was catching fire. And maybe she was, she would never know because all she cared about was Janis. Of course her hair looked amazing with the new haircut, Regina rolled her eyes. Gretchen was holding her hand tight and that was probably the only thing keeping her in place. She wished she could take a few shots but that would break the effects of the pain medication and she needed to keep her priorities in order.

Janis was standing a few feet away from her and it took a while until she realized Regina arrived to the party. The room was incredibly warm and Regina could feel a drop of sweat rolling down her spine when their eyes met, almost a note to remember what her life has been in the past months, but she would blame that on the Summer heat. They haven't showed a single reaction to each other. Janis’ eyes were blank and her face was serious, more mature maybe. But has it been that long since they last saw each other? Regina remembered for a second and brushed the thought away. She wondered if her features had matured as well, as much as she had inside.

She has changed. It was okay to say that, she learned. It was okay to recognize her accomplishments, as small as they were.

Even if it was just being able to share looks with Janis across the room without getting in combustion. Gretchen's hands stiffened as she realized the eye contact and she wondered if the party was a good idea, maybe it was too soon, but Regina's steps towards the small group of people calmed her down a little.

Damian was the first one to react to Regina’s presence as Cady and Karen weren’t facing the direction they came from and Janis wouldn’t show any emotion at the view.

“Look who’s back…” Damian said with a seemingly friendly smile, but his body language screamed a defense mechanism, specially as he placed a hand over Janis’ lower arm.

“Hey, guys.” Regina said in a cool tone and smiled as Karen and Cady moved in her direction giggling. Her entire body felt suddenly warm again,  but this time, it was because of the girls reaction to her appearance, the surprise and excitement they were showing - specifically Karen that was jumping up and down earning a easy smile from Gretchen.

“I’m so happy you came. Gretchen said you would but I had to wait and see with my own eyes.” Cady flushed her a honest smile and she couldn’t help but smile back.

“Are you feeling better?” Damian asked and all the eyes widened suddenly. They have all been wanting to ask that, but acknowledging the girl could actually feel bad used to be dangerous.

“Yeah, actually… A lot of resting and prescripted medication but I’m feeling much better now.” She bit her lips holding a big smile from the relieved face she saw for a second over Janis’ face. She knew people were worried and Janis had sent her a couple of flowers and cards, but seeing it with her own eyes was better.

“Come here, I have to show you the new colors!” Gretchen interrupted the moment by suddenly pulling Regina’s hand towards the stairs, she had redecorated her room, as a symbol of how she has changed and wanted Regina to see - not approve.

Regina shot a apologizing smile at Cady, Damian and Janis that smiled softly at her. She let Gretchen move her around and didn’t even pay attention to what was happening and who was around her. She knew her comeback was what everyone was talking about, some probably happy, others definitely still hated her, but she had other things to worry now. Stranger’s opinions about her became less important the day she got ran by a bus.

She was actually glad she came, watching Gretchen comfortable enough to throw a party on her own and actually get to enjoy herself.

“Are you gonna talk to her?” Gretchen asked as Regina sitted on her bed after the room tour.

“Who?” Regina pretended not to know.

“Janis.” Gretchen continued. “She asks about you a lot, you know…” The girl had already taken a couple of shots and couldn't help but gossip.

Old habits die hard.

“Oh…” Regina wasn’t expecting that. “What did she asked you about?” Regina tilted her head, curious.

“If you’re recovering well. She was really worried about you.”

How come they never talked about this? Regina asked herself.

“She came to the hospital right after the accident. She waited there with Karen and I for hours, until your first surgery was over.”

Regina stared at Gretchen not even knowing what to say. Tears began to form in her eyes but she cleared them carefully with the tip of her fingers, she refused to cry.

“She felt really guilty…” Gretchen’s voice was low and sad. “And she was sad. We all were.”

Regina was crying now. Drunk Gretchen would always get to her. Before all of this, she would usually just piss Regina by throwing up announced and telling stupid jokes about everyone in the school, while she tried to get her phone to text Janis. Those were the good times? Probably not, but she missed her bad habits.

Gretchen looked sad, yes. But just as she noticed Janis’ features more mature, Gretchen’s were as well. They saw each other a couple of times a week and she hasn’t noticed it before, but right now, paying careful attention to the girl’s face, she could see how her eyes were carrying much more weight now.

She knew it could be a good thing, but she couldn’t help but feel sorry. She caused too much pain for Gretchen - and Janis, when she wasn’t even alive (for fifteen seconds), when she was lying in a hospital bed barely breathing, they were hurting because of her.

“I have so many more things to apologize to you for.” She knew Gretchen was drunk but wanted to say it anyway. Her words trembled and her eyes were dizzy from the tears.

“Don’t you understand?” Gretchen walked to her and held her by her shoulders. “You already said did it a thousand times and I already forgave you.” She smiled. “You have to say it to her.”

Regina closed her eyes and let the tears fall through her face, not one drop of concern about Gretchen seeing her cry.

They walked down the stairs with serenity in their faces, the unsaid finally released. Gretchen smiled fondly at her before separating ways, things were good between them. Regina walked confident through the party, feeling all the eyes on her and keeping her’s alert for any friendly face that she could distract herself with. From the large living room windows she could see Janis and Damian outside, the girl was standing near the water fountain the Wieners had in their side yard, while the boy showed her a goofy dance move.

She bit her lips containing a smile as she watched Janis laugh light hearted. Once she was like that around Regina, now they wouldn’t even let their emotions show. Her walk was careful towards them and she felt shy as Janis noticed she was there.

“Hey.” She said in a low voice, hiding her hands in her back pockets, not knowing what to do with them, she would usually have a drink in hands during parties.

“Hey.” They said together letting the smile drop.

She knew Damian didn’t liked her and he had all the reasons for that.

“Can we talk?” She decided to go straight to the point and the words fell effortlessly from her mouth.

“Okay.” Janis answered uncertain but curious, and they both stared at Damian waiting for him to leave. The guy still stared at Regina not fully trusting her. “Come on…” Janis insisted.

She knew why Damian was like this, she understood his reasons, she even believed in his reasons, but he needed to let her commit her own mistakes. And Regina George was definitely a mistake.

He left glaring at Regina, but didn’t said a word, even though she knew he would be watching her from the living room. She even took her hands out of her pockets, didn’t wanted him to think she was hiding a knife or something.

“What do you want?” Janis asked with a neutral tone avoiding Regina’s eyes.

“Why do you always start like this?” Regina smiled with the memory of them kissing in the art class years ago.

“You usually come to me when you want something.” She said the words like they were nothing and decided to keep avoiding Regina’s eyes, she couldn’t see the hurt in the girl’s face. She wasn’t even sure if she wanted to hurt her or just take that anger out of her.

“I want to apologize.” Regina needed to say the words even if Janis didn’t wanted to listen. “For ruining your life in eight grade, then sleeping with you for years thinking that it was okay for me to pretend that nothing happened. I’m sorry for spreading lies about you and for not stopping other people from doing it too.” She took a deep breath and continued looking at Janis’ profile. “I’m sorry for everything. I’m so, so sorry.” She felt knot in her throat and stopped.

The silence between them, even though there was electronic music playing loudly in the back, filled the gap of words Janis couldn’t say. She continued staring at the dog house a few feet away, not even thinking about what Regina just said, only thinking about the girl’s presence there.

“Why don’t you look at me?” Regina released a nervous laugh and felt a single tear roll down her face, but quickly brushed it with the back of her hand.

“If I do, I’ll cry and I don’t want to cry in front of you.” Janis said in a low voice, but Regina caught every word.

“I feel like I cry everytime I see you.”

Janis smiled, she did cried in all their last encounters.

“That can’t be healthy, can it?” She finally raised her look and checked the other girl. Not Regina George, she forced herself to think, just a girl standing in the grass.

“It was never healthy between us.” Regina admitted something she realised a couple months ago.

“No, it wasn’t…” Janis’s voice was nothing but a whisper.

“I’m sorry for that. You deserve something better than this. I always thought you deserved a true high school love story, but I knew I could never give that to you.”

“Cut this shit, okay? Stop apologizing.” Janis finally let their eyes meet. “We all did bad things. That’s why this is happening.” She pointed between them. “That’s actually why all of this is happening.” Janis smiled as she opened her arms and motioned them around them. Regina couldn’t help but laugh at the girl’s awkwardness.

“Yeah, but none of those things would have happened if it wasn’t for what I did first.”

“You don’t know that.” Janis rolled her eyes.

“Getting hit by a bus don’t make me a hero.” She finally said it. The one thing so many people were thinking but would never say.

“You got run over by a bus, Regina. Let people feel bad for you.”

“I don’t deserve it.”

“You don’t get to decide that.” She shrugged.

Regina’s mouth was slightly open, but she didn’t said anything.

“I’ve forgiven you a long time ago.” Janis confessed. “So stop apologizing.”

“That day..?” She didn’t wanted to talk about the accident again.

Janis wondered for a second.

“Probably.” She closed her eyes and focused on the darkness, stopping her tears before they reached her eyes. “I thought you were dead.”

“Would it be so bad?” Regina didn’t meant to say that out loud.

“It would.” Janis felt a tray of water down her cheek. “People really care about you, Regina. You fucked us up really good, but we always come back to you again.”

“That can’t be healthy.” They both smiled between tears.

A loud noise came from inside followed by laughter, they both startled with the surprise, Regina looked back and stared at the party for a second before looking at Janis again.

When she turned, she realized Janis had been staring at her. There were something familiar in her eyes, something Regina has gotten used, something she missed.

“Was it always part of the plan?”

“No…” Janis quickly denied, knowing exactly what they she was talking about.

Regina was curious about the plan Janis had against her. She tried not to think about it, tried to focus on the things she did to deserve it in first place, but some night before the fell asleep, she would remember Janis’ words in that auditorium. How they were setting up for her. Her muscles were always a bit numb but she could remember Janis’ touch, how could that be a lie? She would dream of the girl laying besides her in the bed, like they used to do in their best days, and pretend that that was the entire story.

“It was never part of the plan.” Janis added.

“Why not? It would have been easier.” Regina’s tone wasn’t provocative, she was actually curious.

“No, it wouldn’t. Not for me.”

Regina tilted her head in disbelief.

“You were my first, Regina. I know I was just a pastime for you, but it meant a lot for me.” She saw the shift in Regina’s expression, the regret in the girl’s eyes. “You meant a lot for me.”

“You were never just a pastime for me.” Regina put a loose stray of her hair behind her ear. “Maybe everything else was, but you.”

Janis smiled at the honesty between them. They haven’t moved an inch since Regina arrived, the distance between them was still the same, maybe they were afraid of moving and bursting their bubble or getting too close and losing control. Either way has happened before.

“In a way, you were my high school love story. You just played the love interest and the villain at the same time.” They both smiled, Regina’s smiled more melancholical than Janis.

“I wish I had knew you in a different life.” Regina’s voice failed between tears. Not controlling her cry as she knew their talk was coming to an end. They had nothing else to say.

“Someday we’ll live different lives. Away from all of this. We’ll be different people.” Janis looked deep into Regina’s eyes, focusing on never forgetting the way she felt for the girl in that exact moment. On never forgetting how much she loved her. “And if we ever met in that different life, I want you to introduce yourself and pay me a coffee.” Janis bit her lip. “Promise me you’ll do that.”

“What if you’re not single?” Regina tried a smile between tears.

“I said pay me a coffee, not rip off my clothes.” She teased and got a actual smile from Regina. She could do that the entire day.

“I promise.” Regina took a deep breath, holding her tears and asked: “What if I never find you though?”

Before Janis could say anything, Damian appeared in the door and called Janis. Regina kept facing the girl, not missing one second she got with her, and watched Janis’ look shift to look at Damian, she nodded letting him know she would be right there.

Janis started to move towards the house, but stopped right in front of Regina, their faces almost touching.

“I hate to say that I love you, but I do.” Regina cried.

Janis let their foreheads met and closed her eyes. In a deep breath, she memorized the girl’s smell, her lips slightly touched Regina and she almost lost herself in there. Instead, she allowed herself to remember how good they felt. She pressed them against the girl’s and moved her head to the side, allowing their mouths to deepen the kiss. Regina’s hands reached each side of Janis’ face and caressed her cheek softly. Their lips moved against each other like old friends and tasted each other, their tongues met with the flavor of salty tears dancing between them. It was almost painful knowing it was a good bye. They pulled apart and stared at each other’s eyes, reddened from crying. Janis walked away, not looking back, and Regina left the party early.

The year went by without a mention of what happened between them, in the past or in the party, it was all forgotten. They walked past each other in the hall and wouldn’t even talk to each other, not because there was still resentment between them, but because they weren't friends. They never were. They were lovers, then enemies, they were never in the middle.

There might have been a moment where they were friends, little girls running around with their blonde barbies in hand laughing at silly jokes, but that was in a different life. In their graduation day, as she got ready to leave Northwest and start college in New York, Regina wondered how many different lives were still waiting for her. How many she could have lived. Maybe there was one life where she never got hit by a bus, one where she never kissed Janis, one where Cady never moved to their school. The future seemed much more interesting for her. The things she would still do, the people she would meet, the places she would live, the songs she would sing in the shower, the friends she would have. The life she’d live.

At the end, it didn’t mattered how many possibilities she would create in her head, that was entirely out of her control.

Knowing that, she lived her life the best she could, and eventually she realized she deserved to be just as happy as everyone else. She realized that, in her current life, she wasn’t a mean girl, she was a kind woman. She grew up but she still wouldn’t fall asleep without thinking of the day she would met Janis again, even when there was someone else laying beside her in bed. She thought about looking for her, asking Gretchen about her, searching online, using her contacts to get what she wanted, but that was bad habit she let go long ago.

Sometimes in the middle of the day she would think about what life she would have if she followed Janis inside in that party years ago, almost ten years. Walking in the white streets of New York, she looked at her foggy reflex in the glass walls of a coffee shop, wondering if her face was already revealing her age. Behind the reflex of her big blue eyes and blonde hair covered by a deep grey bunny, she saw her.

Janis was typing frantically in a laptop, barely noticing her surrounds, the white noise around her was the perfect soundtrack for whenever she was writing. Through her peripheral view she saw someone approaching her table, her left hand could feel the warmth of a cup of coffee being placed in the table. She typed one last sentence on the screen before she looked up and realized who was staring at her with a uncertain smile.

“Hi.” The blonde woman said in a low voice. “This is for you.” She pointed at the cup, with her own name lazily written over it. “I asked them to put my name on it, because I don’t know yours yet.”

“I’m Janis.” She said marveled.

“I’m Regina George.” The woman said and rolled her eyes, of course she would. “Nice to meet you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let's talk about this on tumblr (ablamarka)!  
> See you guys in my next story!

**Author's Note:**

> Leave a comment if you enjoyed!  
> Tumblr and every social media: ablamarka


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